Archive for October, 2007

A sense of normalcy?

Friday, October 12th, 2007

Transitions. Change. That’s what life is about. It certainly seems that’s what my life is about. The only thing you can be certain of is that great ol’ oxymoron, constant change. My life is constantly changing. Sometimes what seems right at the time no longer fits in the puzzle of my life. Such is the conclusion I came to about two weeks before I finished my Summoner term (please see the blog entry just below this one). Letting go of something is never hard, especially when that something means letting go of something you thought was “right” for you. Thus, the past month and a half was a transition period for me. (Although I don’t think this transition has ended yet. Right now, I have Pluto square my natal Pluto and conjunct my descendant in Sagittarius – it’s been there for a while now. This transit is joined now by Jupiter conjunct my descendant – it started on September 24th this year. Eek! Can you say major change?! More on that later.)

Lucky for me, I’ve always had martial arts. Nothing is more important to me than being fit and healthy (healthy on all realms, physical, mental, spiritual). Martial arts has always been a spiritual path for me and it remains so. I have missed the do jang this past year. I’ve missed not being around for some of the changes that have occurred there. Now, I’m happy to be able to devote my time to it again.

I’m also lucky I learned to appreciate running. It’s hard at times. I admit some days I don’t want to be out there in the cold or in the sweltering humidity, but running helps me connect with nature as well as myself. It helps me focus and forget about all the silly nonsense that goes on in this world. There is nothing but just me and nature. Earth, air, fire, water, and (my) spirit.

There is no doubt in my mind that martial arts and running (and also weight training – I love it, I must be crazy, but I love having sore muscles) have kept me sane this past year. No doubt they helped ease the transitions I am going through. Below is my training log for the past few months:

August 21 – I went for a mile run. It was just about an 8 minute mile pace. 😀 After the run, I went to the gym.
August 23 – I went to the do jang
August 28 – I went for another run (15 minutes 30 seconds), then went to the gym.
August 31 – I went for a short run (5 minutes 45 seconds, 1 km)
September 13 – I went for a 1.5 miles run (13 minutes 10 seconds)
September 14 – I went for a run (didn’t keep time), then to the gym
September 26 – I went for a mile run (8 minutes 54 seconds), then to the gym
September 27 – I went to the do jang
September 29 – Nate and I went on the 5.7 km route. We ran about 4.4 km in 32 minutes 34 seconds (slow, but good to do)
October 3 – I went to the do jang and then the gym
October 4 – I went to the do jang and took two classes back-to-back (We had a schedule change at the do jang. Now that we have enough black belts, we have a separate class for black belts and colour belts – the black belts can take either class. I took the black belt class and decided to take the colour belt class after.)

The long distance run on September 29th felt especially good. Some days I need to feel like I’m “going somewhere”. On those days, running makes me feel like I have the freedom to do anything. Nothing can stop me. There are no obstacles as long as I have air in my lungs and I have two legs to move.

Taekwondo class felt good. I’ve missed it so much. It felt good to be back. Unfortunately, this past week I didn’t feel quite up to anything. I was having a bout of insomnia. I really can’t train without proper sleep and rest.

The insomnia I think I can blame in part on the astrological transits in effect on my chart. Pluto and Jupiter both conjunct my descendant in Sagittarius. Though I’m not a professional astrologer, I can say that lately I’ve been feeling out of place, like I shouldn’t be here. The past few years or so I’ve been thinking more and more about moving somewhere. In fact, I always planned on living somewhere else at some point in my life. It’s started to feel like now is the time for this. Of course, I need to make plans and deal with a whole whack of stuff. This idea is both exciting and scary for me. Though there really isn’t much keeping me tied here anymore except for the do jang (I want to pack up Master Kim and his do jang and take it with me), it’s still scary leaving. I’ve lived here my whole life. I don’t know anyplace better than here. But then there’s this part of me that’s saying “anywhere but here”. Ah, the great unknown, scary but gotta love it.

So, am I back to normal? That really depends on your definition of “normal”. Life is always changing. Buddhism teaches that nothing is permanent. Nothing is permanent and we shouldn’t make attachments because nothing is permanent. A sense of normalcy implies permanence. If nothing is permanent, nothing is ever normal. My life is constantly changing, nothing is permanent. No, my life is not normal, but I make the best of it wherever I am.

Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame