Pneumatised!

Where did a month go? It seems like time passes by too fast. I spent the past month, first just reading a bit of The Wheel of Time because I didn’t feel like doing much since my kitty passed on, then I started cleaning up my whole place. I had a pile of stuff in the hall closet that I needed to sort through and get rid of – mostly papers. This took quite a while. Then I spent some time going through other things, re-arranging in order to make more room in my apartment. I spent a lot of time reviewing things I had written over the past… oh, probably about ten years.

Let’s see… I had old notes from college to sort through. I already threw out my notes from university years ago, but I still had notes from my law clerk course because some of the stuff is practical. I have old assignments that amuse me whenever I happen to read them. Whenever I read something that I wrote before I’m always kind of puzzled that I wrote it. That’s just me, I guess. I spend a lot of time writing sometimes that I think I forget what I wrote. Then I sorted through a lot of research I did on various topics. Loads of paper for that! I can’t believe I printed things out so much. So much paper, so much wasted space. Of course, I did print double-sided or print on scrap paper when I could. I also spent some time looking at notes I had on Wicca and various related subjects. I still have two binders with notes I made from the WCC classes over the years with attachments of related website articles and/or book excerpts. Sheesh! I’m very happy the internet has gotten to where it is, because I can do most of my research now online and keep everything on digital instead of lying around on paper in boxes gathering dust bunnies. I’m going to toss out the notes in the binders once I update my digital notes with the appropriate articles attached to them.

Such is how I ended up updating my website this week. I’ve actually been meaning to for a while now, but just wasn’t in the mood too. I think my house cleaning spree happened during the Mercury retrograde in Gemini – go figure! Of course, I’m cleaning out paper and reviewing things I’d written over the years.

Okay, here’s what’s new on the website…

1) Two new web pages. The first is a web page highlighting some writing I did that was inspired by my Dedication. The page is called appropriately, “A Dedication”. The second is called “Pagan Poems”, and it features pagan poetry from a talented friend of mine. She doesn’t have an online presence, so I asked if she minded I post her poems for her on my website. She was very pleased with the idea.

2) On “My Creative Writing (the early years)”, I have added a piece I’m calling “Our Happiness/Games”. It’s actually two smaller poems comprising one. It’s also one of those naive, hopeless romantic poems, but I think it was well-written for what it is. I kind of like it better than all the other naive, hopeless romantic poems I wrote in the past, probably because it wasn’t as hopelessly romantic anymore. I was getting fed up with the situation when I wrote it.

3) On “My Creative Writing”, there is a cute little piece called “Love’s Journey”. It amused me to read it after five years. So much has changed, but yet so much remains the same.

4) Lastly, on “My Ritual-based Writing”, I’ve added a whole slew of things after the general god and goddess calls.

There you have it. Something new to mull over.

In other news… I hope to write at least one book in the next few years (one of the many reasons I’ve not been writing too much on here lately). I have a few different novel ideas, but I’ll have to decide which one to write first. For now though, I’ve been clearing out old stuff to allow my brain a chance to think of new things. Strange how that all works. There’s just been too much clutter lately, physically and mentally. Yes, cleaning house has been a magical process for cleaning out my mind.

Okay, now that that’s done I can move onto the next thing… which is getting some much deserved rest!

~~~C

Its been over a year since I did the Myers-Briggs personality testing, out of curiosity I did it again.

Here’s what I got from the Okcupid version:

The LONG Scientific Personality Test
Your Score: INTJ -The Mastermind
You scored 9% I to E, 42% N to S, 71% F to T, and 47% J to P!

You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than observant, you are more thinking based than feeling based, and you prefer to have a plan rather than leaving things to chance. Your type is best described by the word “mastermind”, which belongs to the larger group called rationals. Only 1% of the population shares your type. You are very strong willed and self-confident. You can hardly rest until you have things settled. You will only adopt ideas and rules if they make sense. You are a great brainstormer and often come up with creative solutions to difficult problems. You are open to new concepts, and often actively seek them out.
As a romantic partner, you can be both fascinating yet demanding. You are not apt to express your emotions, leaving your partner wondering where they are with you. You strongly dislike repeating yourself or listening to the disorganized process of sorting through emotional conflicts. You see your own commitments as self-evident and don’t see why you need to repeat something already expressed. You have the most difficulty in admitting your vulnerabilities. You feel the most appreciated when your partner admires the quality of your innovations and when they listen respectfully to your ideas and advice. You need plenty of quiet to explore your interests to the depth that gives you satisfaction.
Your group summary: rationals (NT)
Your type summary: INTJ

According to HumanMetrics I am an INFJ. I scored 44% introverted, 25% intuitive, 38% feeling, and 22% judging. According to Keirsey.com, I’m a “Counsellor Idealist”.

The Portait of the Counselor (INFJ)

The Counselor Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in reaching their goals, and enterprising and attentive in their interpersonal roles. Counselors focus on human potentials, think in terms of ethical values, and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (little more than 2 percent) is regrettable, since Counselors have an unusually strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their companions. Although Counsleors tend to be private, sensitive people, and are not generally visible leaders, they nevertheless work quite intensely with those close to them, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes with their families, friends, and colleagues. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.

Counselors can be hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust. With their loved ones, certainly, Counselors are not reluctant to express their feelings, their face lighting up with the positive emotions, but darkening like a thunderhead with the negative. Indeed, because of their strong ability to take into themselves the feelings of others, Counselors can be hurt rather easily by those around them, which, perhaps, is one reason why they tend to be private people, mutely withdrawing from human contact. At the same time, friends who have known a Counselor for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that they are inconsistent; Counselors value their integrity a great deal, but they have intricately woven, mysterious personalities which sometimes puzzle even them… (For more, see Keirsey.com – Four Temperaments.)

Huh? Interesting. This implies that I am more feeling than thinking now. Wonder if some of the life changes this past year have affected my personality? Interesting… quite interesting.

~~~C

So you must have been thinking “Where did Cassandrah go?” since I haven’t been blogging as much as usual. I think there just wasn’t much I wanted to publish and share on here (mostly because there were a ton of things better not said). I’ve now moved on and started working on my own projects again, which gives me the freedom to write, write, write to my heart’s content about the various things I’m working on. 😀

Life has been better for me lately. I was in a little slump for a bit there, adjusting, re-prioritizing, re-organizing, and re-vamping my life. As Nate has commented, I’m always happier when I’m training. I’ve been back at the do jang again, and it does feel good. It feels good to know that I can go and I don’t have to think about much else afterwards but for a nice meal of protein and carbs and a hot bath to soothe my aching muscles.

Ah, but I do have my own little projects. Thankfully, I can go at my own pace. I still have my many interests and the focus for my website hasn’t changed much. I will still be working with reiki and will be offering reiki courses again in the new year (date to be posted later). I still believe there is a connection between the Japanese healing art and martial arts and I’d like to explore that further.

During this past year, I started studying astrology again in more depth. I think I’ve got a firm understanding of interpreting the basic (natal) horoscope, that is, at least how to study the basic (natal) horoscope. I’m currently keeping track of transits and observing how it affects me and in general everyone else. The most recent transit occurred today at 3:25 a.m. when Mars turned retrograde (that is, it appears to travel backwards in the sky due to Earth travelling faster and overtaking Mars relative to our observation of the background stars). What effect does Mars turning retrograde have? So far, I’ve observed a drop in attendance at the do jang this past week, perhaps a build-up to the actual retrograde? Yesterday was peculiar. As I arrived at the do jang and started walking down the stairs, I didn’t hear the usual sounds of kicking and chatter as people train. I realized I had arrived just in time for my class and the previous class had already finished. It turns out most people had already left – the few who actually came to train. Asking a few people, I was told the previous class was quiet too and some people were running late. (I was a tad late for class and so was another girl.) Huh? Interesting. Mars is currently in Cancer. Now that it’s turned retrograde, will this make people prone to just staying at home reflecting on their own thoughts? The strange thing is that I feel like training! I feel just as active as if Mars was in Aries, but then again I have a Mars in Aries in my natal horoscope. Perhaps people overall will feel less aggressive, which might be a good thing. Perhaps let the people with Mars in Aries in their horoscopes be the aggressive ones, huh? It would save everyone some grief. You really can’t be more aggressive than someone with a Mars in Aries, you really can’t. A Sun in Aries comes close, but not quite, unless you have the Sun and Mars in Aries like I know a certain someone has. 😉 Quite interesting. The Mars retrograde will end on January 30, 2008.

Speaking of training, here’s a short update:

October 12, 2007 – I went for a mile run.
October 15, 2007 – I went for a run, 1.5 miles. Later, I went to the do jang, then went to the gym for my usual workout. I even added five minutes on the bicycle to loosen up my knee and get the fluid in the joint moving.
October 17, 2007 – I went to the do jang and then the gym after.
October 19, 2007 – I went for a run. I think I broke it up into two parts – one mile, then a 3/4 mile run back.
November 2, 2007 – After a few weeks off training, I went for a 1.5 mile run and then to the gym.
November 7, 2007 – I went running again (1 mile), and then headed to the gym.
November 9, 2007 – A short run, and then the gym again.
November 12, 2007 – I went to the do jang after missing it for a few weeks. (I was still in a bit of a slump and with the Mercury retrograde in the last few weeks of October, I ended up taking a retrospective look at my music collection and doing a cleanup. Yay! for Mercury being direct as of November 1 because now I can write again.) I went to the gym after the do jang.
November 13, 2007 – I went for a mile run. My time was 8 minutes 53 seconds – a tad slow, but getting closer to my fastest time which was achieved in the warmer months. You technically run a little slower in the colder months because of the weight of the extra clothes you are wearing. The more clothes you have on, the more drag pulling you back when you are running.
November 14, 2007 – I went to the do jang and then to the gym.

I have been reading again lately. While I was mulling over my thoughts on what to do, I picked up some manga and a graphic novel series called Fables. (I started to get into the graphic novels after I read Emily the Strange.) Fables is amusing. The artwork is quite good in my opinion, and the stories are quite interesting – a reimagining of our traditional fairy tales. The author has found a way to weave many of the traditional fairy tales and create a fantasy world. The base story is that all the “fables” (fairy tale creatures) have been forced to leave their “homelands” due to an evil emperor known by them only as the “Adversary”. The first collection of the comics into novel format is called “Legends in Exile” where we find out that the fables have been living in New York City in a hidden community called “Fabletown”. Non-human fables live on a farm in upstate New York. I’m currently reading book six, and my favourite fables are Bigby Wolf and Snow White! Curious yet? Go get the novels.

Okay, I think that’s enough of my rambling thoughts this cool November day. There’s enough there for you to mull over I think. Trust me, you’ll like Fables.

Perhaps I’ll be back later with a book review or two.

~~~Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame

Yes, I know. It has been awhile since I last wrote on this blog. Well, at least I have something new for my dear readers. After some personal time spent on reflection, I have just finished writing a new page for my website.

While it may be that I have decided not to continue my studies at the WCC, it does not mean I am no longer a pagan. I did state that before, right? As before, my website will continue to provide information in the hopes of teaching others. Continuing with that, I have started a section called “A Witch’s Curriculum of Study”, which lists some subjects that may be of interest to others like myself.

While I do not have any time at the moment to put up notes on any of the subjects yet, I hope to in the future. For now, it is a start for others to look up and research subjects of relevance to paganism and witchcraft.

So, without any more rambling from me, please click the link above and check out the subject list. Hope this gets you on your way with your own personal studies.

Cassandrah
Your local solitary pagan
Brigid’s Flame

(This is a update on my previous blog entry – “Rant – They Never Give Up”

As it turned out, only seven Christians in total showed up at the event. Aside from the older couple who run byTHEWAYministries’ website, there were some young’uns, mostly young men. There was one young lady.

Seems they took their own advice and exercised caution on Saturday. They weren’t preaching openly and merely wandered around trying to hand out little cards saying “What if…?” on them. As security, we followed them around keeping an eye on them making sure they weren’t antagonizing anyone. They approached some of the vendors at the event, and the vendors seemed to handle them well enough. The vendors were told ahead of time that we were expecting a Christian group and in case of any trouble, they were to find security.

The funniest incident was when they left and two came back later and approached a group of teenagers. Apparently they handed the teens their “What if?” cards, then an Asatru practicer intervened and was speaking with the two Christians. Now, if you know Asatru practicers, you know you can’t change their minds for them. So, good luck trying to convert an Asatru! Interestingly, it seemed the Asatru practicer was giving more information to the two Christians than the other way around.

Now, as for the group of teenagers – they walked away (good for them!). The mother of one of them saw the cards they were given and said “You realize they just insulted you?” The teenagers’ response was then to walk over to the butt can, tear up the cards, and then attempt to burn the cards. (Hey, we teach our young pagans well!) Unfortunately, it was quite windy that day and the cards didn’t seem to catch fire easily.

The other interesting thing was the Christians didn’t show up until at least 1:30 p.m. You’d think they’d get up earlier to preach the word of God and to do the work of Jesus. I guess not. Funny enough, us pagans were up at around 6 a.m. to get ready for the event. Guess we love our gods more. 😉

Overall though, no harm, no foul. No swords were pulled out (some vendors were selling ritual blades and we had a no tolerance policy for people walking around the event with blades). For all practical purposes, the Christians were allowed to exercise their right to walk around a public event, hand out cards (as long as they weren’t forcing people to take them), and talk to those who didn’t mind talking to them. If they felt uncomfortable having security follow them around and keeping an eye out… well, they are making some pagans there feel uncomfortable. Event attendees felt better knowing security was keeping an eye out. Pagans don’t go to Christian events trying to convert people, it’s just not our thing. So, for a Christian to show up at our event with the specific purpose of trying to convert us shows ignorance of every person’s right to choose their own religious belief (as long as that belief does not promote or encourage violence). It’s a human right. The same right the Christians have that allow them to wander public events such as this handing out cards and sharing their religious views. (But hey, if you are a Christian and are truly curious about paganism, feel free to attend and gather information. You have the right to do that.)

The day was fairly peaceful. For the most part, if you have sense of humour about these things, it’s kind of funny watching a Christian try to convert an Asatru.

For the record though, I feel a little insulted. I mean, I get the feeling they sent “newbies” out. 😉 They really think we’re that easy to convert???

But “all’s well that ends well.” No violence, only peace. Peace is a good thing.

Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame

The gods have a way of reminding you of the important things in the world.

I went to a party on Tuesday. Amidst all the silliness, you learn much about the people around you. You learn something of yourself as well, such as a seemingly unexplainable attraction to a new young male in the community. (Though astrologically, my Moon conjuncts his Sun and his Moon trines my Sun.)

Perhaps my instincts have improved over the years. Having met this person briefly a few nights earlier, I thought he seemed intelligent and thoughtful. Tuesday at the party I observed his interactions with people. I introduced him to Nathan who’s a good judge of character, and a little party shy unless he’s talking with someone bright and interesting. They got to talking about acting and writing while I admired both of them from a distance.

What am I reminded of, you are wondering?

I’m reminded of how lucky I am to have someone like Nathan in my life. We have a totally open and honest relationship. We tell each other everything, even our little “crushes”, our admiration of other people. We are honest about this because it is natural. It is inevitable that you will find other people attractive or have some bond or something in common with someone else besides “your one and only”. We don’t think of each other as objects to be possessed (although I like to joke about him being all mine). We just value the time we share together. We value the fact that we like being together. As Nathan likes to put it, he’s just glad I’m here.

Relationships take work. Part of that is honesty, with yourself and each other. Otherwise, it will just fall apart. Relationships are not about limiting yourself – they are about expanding yourself. Relationships nurture and should allow you to learn more about yourself. I’m reminded of the things that have happened in my life that Nathan has been there to witness – all things that have helped me grow and expand as a person.

First, I was Handmaiden for a semi-private women’s group, and I was in six months of physical therapy after recovering from knee surgery. I tested and received my first dan black belt in taekwondo in the summer of 2004. I had my Dedication in March 2005. (After years of already knowing I was a pagan, I finally decided to have a Dedication.) After about five years at one do jang, I switched do jangs – not an easy thing to do once you’re a black belt (you have to get used to the new do jang and its internal social structure). I tested and received my second dan black belt at this new do jang in the summer of 2006. In September 2006, I was given the chance to be Summoner for the Toronto Temple of the WCC. In October 2006, I was Neophyted into the Odyssean tradition of Wicca.

These are all major life events that Nathan has been witness to in my life (he had to deal with my grumpiness while fasting for my Neophyting ritual). Through it all, he always encouraged me and never held me back. He encouraged me to write more (something I knew I should be doing) and to pursue my goals. No one has done more for me than he has – ever. I am eternally grateful for all he has done for me. (And yes, it is a bonus to be able to admire other attractive young men without him being jealous and possessive. Although, he is protective of me – a big difference to being possessive.) He even encourages me to have fun when life gets too serious and a tad stressful (even buying me an Emily the Strange comic book 😀 ).

For some reason the gods have decided to bless me with him in my life. I love him dearly. What would I do without him in my life, I do not know. I imagine I’d feel more lost than I already occasionally feel at times. He keeps me grounded and yet promotes my dreams and aspirations (as I also try to do for him). For those wondering what love is… well… if this isn’t love, then I’m not sure what really is.

Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame

A week and a half left to register for this course! I will be taking registrations up to 48 hours before the course start time. If you want to register, please call or email me by the morning of May 7th.

LEVEL TWO (OKUDEN)
Saturday, June 9, 2007
10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
(one-hour lunch break at 1 p.m.)
Saturday, June 16, 2007
10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
(one-hour lunch break at 1 p.m.)

Please see http://www.brigidsflame.com/reikicourses.html for course description and contact information. You will need to contact me for fees and location (located near Yonge and Bloor).

Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame

Men can be abusive. Women can be abusive. Abusers are likely to be men, but women can be as abusive. This has not been stated often enough. Women can be as abusive as men.

One key myth about abuse is that an abuser becomes one because they were a victim of abuse. Research into abuse shows this is not the case. Many abusers use the “I was abused and therefore I can’t help it!” as an excuse for their behaviour. Sometimes it’s true that it happened. Other times it can be a big lie. Not all abusers were abused in the past. In either case, when someone tries to excuse their abusive actions with “I was abused”, it is merely a ploy to garner sympathy. Once they have sympathy from others, they feel that their actions are justified and they are free to continue to be abusive – after all, others understand it’s because the abuser was abused before. The reverse of this myth is also true. Whether or not someone has been abused is no indicator that they will be an abuser. There are many people who were abused who do not become abusers.

How does one recognize abuse? What is it? How do you recognize an abuser? The book, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft, delves into this and more. The author also points out that a woman can be as abusive as a man, as there are cases of abuse in lesbian couples as well as homosexual couples.

Abuse can vary in levels. It can happen in small ways or in big ways. It often accumulates over the years. Often, abusers will start with something small to see what they can get away with. Then they gradually escalate the level of abuse.

There are different forms of abuse – physical, mental, and emotional.

Most people are aware of physical abuse. Not many people are aware of mental and emotional abuse.

Abusers are known to be controlling and angry. These two qualities are key aspects in an abuser’s profile. Abusers do not know how to deal with anger. They then take that out on the victim by attempting to control that person. Methods of control include everything from physically hurting someone (so they do only what the abuser wants and not what the abuser disapproves of) to injecting negative thinking patterns on the victim (with comments such as “You’re a whore! You’ll never amount to anything. You’re no good without me.”) Another key component of control is manipulation. Abusers will try to manipulate others. Manipulation is important to an abuser because it can help to confuse matters and hide their intentions. Manipulation is also important as it gives them the sense of control they need. Abusers will use manipulative tactics in order to maintain a line of dialogue between the abuser and victim in order to prevent the victim from leaving (the relationship). Often the victim will lose sleep, feel anxiety, or even worse, just get plain sick.

There are differences in male and female abusers. Female abusers may not ever physically abuse someone, but they can be mentally and emotionally abusive.

Abusers can be anyone you know. They can be your father, mother, brother, sister, cousin, friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife. Abusers will often get as close to you as possible – physically, mentally, and emotionally. They will get to know everything about you as it helps them find ways to control and manipulate you and your life. Some abusers are also stalkers or will become one after the victim attempts to leave. They will attempt to be in every part of your life, never giving you a moment to yourself. Abusers’ ultimate goal is to control the victim because they cannot control their anger. Thus, abusers will never choose to leave a relationship permanently because they need access to the person. The person that leaves an abusive relationship is always the victim.

Abusers rarely change. They will convince themselves they have done nothing wrong. They believe they have done nothing wrong. Abusers are often in denial about their actions and may try to manipulate the victim into thinking s/he is the abusive one. Abusers are also capable of distorting the truth of the matter so that it looks as if the victim is to blame or is in the wrong.

I read the above book a few years ago when I was in an abusive relationship. The relationship lasted six months only (thankfully!) and consisted of mental and emotional abuse. After reading Bancroft’s book, I realized there were a few other relationships in my life that were or had been abusive. Along with an ex-boyfriend, other abusers in my life included an ex-husband, a sibling, and yes, even a female friend. In all of these relationships, the abuser was unwilling to change. I ended all of these relationships, and I am better for it.

I hope that people take all forms of abuse seriously. At least read Bancroft’s book and be aware of the issue. He exposes many myths about abuse and abusers and clarifies what really needs to be done. The best and only solution that seems to work requires the victim cutting all ties to the abuser. If you are counseling anyone in any form of an abusive relationship, be aware that trying to reconcile the two parties is not the solution. The victim needs to be removed from the abuser as soon as possible. If you are counseling an abuser, be aware that s/he will not change if s/he is in denial about the abusive behaviour.

(Side note: Abusers are controlling and angry, but not all controlling and angry people are abusers. Some people do learn to deal with their anger and control issues before it even becomes abusive behaviour. It seems though that once a person adopts abusive behaviour, they rarely change.)

Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame

Last chance to register for this course in May.

REIKI LEVEL ONE (SHODEN)
Two days, twelve hours
Saturday, May 5, 2007
9 a.m. to 6 p.m.
(one-hour lunch break at 1 p.m.)
Monday, May 7, 2007
6 p.m. to 10 p.m.

Please see http://www.brigidsflame.com/reikicourses.html for course description and contact information. You will need to contact me for fees and location (located near Yonge and Bloor).

Cassandrah
Brigid’s Flame